Where have all the hard ledes gone?  Where have they gone?

Chi Trib p-1 today, here are first sentences (ledes).  Not exactly wuxtry-wuxtry stuff, but what are you gonna do in an age of Internet news?  Fire one:

Against the majestic backdrop of the Rocky Mountains, in the far eastern corner of Colorado where the land begins to flatten into a vast golden prairie, two teenagers trudge along the weed-bitten edge of an isolated highway.

Fire two:

The gray-faced young man lying in bed number 15 of the run-down local hospital wasn’t much of a talker.

Three:

WASHINGTON — Several weeks ago, nylon shoulder bags ordered for a student financial-aid conference arrived with the Wachovia Bank name splashed on the outside.

Four:

Like a sweaty stranger who sidles up too close in an airless waiting room, a heat wave settled in over the weekend in the Chicago area, forcing people to escape or confront it.

Five:

LAKELAND, Fla. — In the hallway of a science building at Florida Southern College here, silvery ventilation ducts sprout from the floor, rise some 7 feet, take an abrupt 90-degree turn and disappear into the walls of classrooms.

Don’t mind me, folks.  Can’t help but notice that this paper is trying to compete with Nelson Algren.  The morning reader is expected to settle back and give his full attention.  Will he?  Will she?