The Williamses hadn’t heard from Father Devlin for two weeks, so Arthur called the St. Denis rectory. He was told to call St. Emma’s.

“What are you doing at St. Emma’s?” he asked Devlin.

“I’m between jobs.”

“Why aren’t you at St. Denis?”

“I was judged unfit for such an illustrious parish. Couldn’t cut it. They needed a safer man.”

“You’re not safe? Safe for what? Or from what?” You’re being your usual mystical self.”

“Nobody has accused me of being mystical.”

“Why don’t we jog together some morning? Tomorrow? Since you moved deeper into the village, we’ll stay out of Columbus Park.”

They set it up for next morning.

Arthur came by the rectory at six-fifteen on a lovely June day. If he knew the names of the flowers, he would have announced they were blooming to Devlin, who was bouncing up and down on the sidewalk.

“The flowers are blooming, the flowers are blooming,” he announced instead.

“The sun is shining. All’s right with the world,” replied Devlin. They got in step and headed north down a side street.

“God’s in his heaven, right? That’s the line, right?” said Arthur.

“I think so,” said Devlin.

He slowed them down to a half bounce, half shuffle, pleading stiffness. “A priest in the morning can’t overdo it, Arthur. How’s Melissa and the kids?”

“Kids are fine. So is Melissa, except when she remembers you and the night at Corona and so forth. How’s Ginny, by the way?”

“Ginny is fine, except when she remembers the Corona business. And the Tribune item.”

“Was that you and she at McDonald’s other night? Living it up?” They stopped at Lake Street, waited for cars to pass, then continued.

“None other. I was helping her with her homework.”

“Hey. No need to explain. You’re not gonna do anything stupid. I have confidence in you.”

“Whoa there, big fellow. You too?”

“Me too?”

“Worrying about me.”

“Worrying about you? I said I’m not worried.”

“Not worried about what?”

“Whoa there, big fellow yourself. I say I’m not worried, and you say not about what?’ If I said I was worried, what would you say? Or do?”

They jogged along in silence for a while, taking in the fresh air and big green lawns that village-son Ernest Hemingway once said belonged to people with narrow minds. Spots of red popped out at them from the midst of shrubbery. They loped past the big houses.

“O.K., Arthur,” said Devlin. “You got a point.” They ran along a half block more in silence. “But don’t ask me to be responsible quite yet, OK?”

“You’re not ready for that.”

“Right.”

“Well don’t put it off too long. It can get to be a habit.”

Devlin looked at him. “You know?”

“I know.”

“You too were once a priest on the ropes?”

“Not quite. I was, you might say, a member of society on the ropes. I teetered on the edge for a while.”

“Of society?”

“You betcha. I stood like a kid on a fence, balancing one minute, beginning to lose it the next.”

“Why? What was your beef?”

Arthur looked at him quickly. “What was my beef?” he repeated, half smiling.

“I take that question back,” Devlin said, expressionless. “In every conversation, you get to take back one question. I just took mine back. No questions asked.”

“Anyhow,” continued Arthur, “there I was, wanting freedom now and yelling it on a Loop street in the midst of a bunch of other freedom-Lovers, watching white men in three-piece suits across the street watching me with strange looks on their faces. And there I am looking back at them with what to them had to be the strangest look since the little men from Mars peeped into their kitchen windows.”

“Freedom now.”

“You better believe it. The issue, as I recall, was police treatment of demonstrators the day before.”

“Demonstrators? What were you?”

“A demonstrator. I was demonstrating for the demonstrators. Get it? It was a very productive effort for all concerned. The ‘sixties. You know.” He grinned.

“And what had those demonstrators been demonstrating about?”

“The day before?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t remember. Christ, Pat, it could have been one of a dozen things. Take your pick. Housing, swimming pools, jobs with the fire department, slums. Oh, I said that, didn’t I? That’s housing.”

“What happened?”

“I was hot and bothered, let me tell you. Twenty years old and loaded with wisdom and experience. Revolutions are made with people like me as I was then. And you know somethin’? My parents didn’t even know I was there. I was playin’ hooky and demonstratin! And my momma and poppa thought I was some place else. I’m yellin’ ‘Freedom now,’ and I haven’t even worked it out with my parents.”

“You were a mean little kid.”

“I was bad, let me tell you.”

“What happened?”

“I saw this cop who had been in the midst of it the day before, pushing people around. Real mean mother. And there he is in front of the federal building with this look on his face, watchin’ us march around. To the three-piece-suiters we were just weird. To him we were familiar. And he hated us.”

“White cop?”

“What you think, Pat, some nigger’s lookin’ at us like we were traitors to the human race? They had all the black cops on the other side of town anyway. Yes, this was a white guy. And you know what I did?”

“What?” Devlin took his eye off trafic as they crossed Division Street, beginning to fill up with rush-hour drivers, and a car swerved and honked, the driver looking astonished and angry at the two joggers, himself almost hitting oncoming traffic when he looked back at them a moment too long. The two kept running.

“I gave him the finger.”

“Whoops. Ill-advised, under the circumstances.”

“’Ill-advised under any circumstances I can think of.”

“What happened?”

“You know, to this date, I’m not quite sure. I do know he reached for me. I do know he banged me with his stick. And I do know there was a free-for-all, mainly because I was on the bottom of a pile with this hand hanging on to my shirt and some warm, wet stuff dripping down my face. But like the reporters that wrote it up afterwards, the rest of it was conjecture. Pure conjecture.”

“You got arrested??

“Of course I got arrested.”

Now who’s getting touchy?”

“I am, that’s who. How’d I get talking about this in the first place?”

“You were giving me a lesson in how to be cool under pressure. Something like that. And now you’re breathin’ heavy being amazed at my honky ignorance.”

Arthur kept breathing heavily but didn’t say anything for a block.

They got to North Avenue and turned around.

“Anyhow,” said Arthur as they headed back south, “I got busted and my parents came and bailed me out, mad as hell at all concerned, including me. And I spent a few weeks wrestling with my bruised everything while my daddy gave me a few lessons about long-haul commitment, dealing from strength and all that. And I started attending classes again and ended up jogging in Oak Park with a priest. Is that progress or isn’t it?”

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

“You are not your usual witty self tonight,” said Ginny.

“I didn’t think you’d notice.”

“You and I have been an item now for, what is it? Five weeks? And you didn’t think I’d notice when your quips are not falling where they may?”

“Oh. Right. Dolan always knows when I’m down too.”

“Oh my. It’s a good thing you’re as straight as you are, Patrick. Your life could make you a pushover for gay activity.”

“I’m not a fruit, if that’s what you mean,”

“I know you’re not. Neither fresh, frozen, canned, dried or any other kind. You like girls. That’s your problem, Patrick, you like girls.”

“Specifically, you.”

“Specifically, me. And I like you. If I were a Catholic, I’d have you for my priest.”

“Well you better turn quickly, or you may not have the chance.”

She reached across the bed and moved the backs of her fingers across his cheek.

“I never thought of that.”

“Me leaving the priesthood?”

“No, me turning RC and having you for my priest. What a bizarre idea.”

“You’d be my first convert. Me and my priestly unction and manly charms. Snatched to Rome. Rome unveils new secret weapon in the war for souls with the heretics. Patrick Devlin comes out of the closet. Confesses rampant heterosexuality, takes wife. She converts. Children on way. Wife considered fertile and good catch for Romish priest. Read all about it.”

Ginny laughed. “You could announce me from the pulpit. ‘Sitting in the front row, my dear people, is — dah, da-dah-da-dah, trumpet for the strumpet — my woman. Will you please welcome! dah, da-dah, Ginny (last Protestant in America) Morgan. Her arrival signals the beginning of the end for the revolting heresy that came upon us some four hundred years ago. Praise the Lord.’”

“They might accept you on those terms.”

“Us.”

“Right. Rev. and Ms. Patrick Devlin. Pastor and woman of St. Augustine Church, St. Augustine because he had a woman for many years, ‘woman’ because church law would forbid me to marry you.”

“The woman of St. Augustine. I can hear it now. Also known as Ginny Morgan, formerly reporter for Sun-Times, now reporting to the Lord from St. Augustine parish. Where is St. Augustine parish, by the way?”

“We’d have to invent it.”

“I always said, if there weren’t a St. Augustine parish with live-in woman friend of the pastor, we’d have to invent one. Where should it be?”

“Can’t beat Oak Park. Very progressive community, with a good public high school.”

“Patrick, what does a high school got to do with it?”

“A good public high school, I said. Where the white kids can go without forking over big dough for private schools. Look, in the city you can gentrify an elementary school area, but a high-school district is a lot harder to do. And it usually takes sufficient clout to get boundary lines redrawn. In Oak Park you have the high-school district wrapped up along with elementary schools.”

“You’re losing me.”

“O.K. Live-in pastor’s friend flies only in progressive community, right?”

“Right.”

“That means racial integrationists, up to a point, right?”

“Up to a point?”

“Up to the point where where there aren’t enough white people,”

“The tip point.”

“Right. The point at which white folks head for the doors, move farther west and so forth,” you blame them for that?”

“Ginny, if I were the kind of guy that blamed anybody for anything but child abuse and political torture, would I be here in bed with you carrying on this discussion about racial integration?”

“No.”

“Best you can do is manage normal stupidness so it doesn’t get out of hand. One of the things you do is have a good high school. It keeps things on an even keel.”

“And retains the progressive character of your town.”

“Precisely.”

“I’m being battered by thoughts of the future.”

“They have a way of interfering with enjoyment of the present,” said Ginny.

They lay there for a few minutes looking at the ceiling of Ginny’s apartment.

“Your position is untenable, Patrick.”

“I know.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Don’t ask.”

“T don’t like that answer, Patrick.”

“Neither do I. It’s all I can develop for the moment.”

She sighed. “How’d I get into this?”

He looked at her.

“Neither do I,” she said.

They lay in silence for a few minutes more. Ginny looked at her watch on the bed stand. “You know what?” she said.

“ What?”

“It’s time for the priest in residence to head for the doors.”

(end of chapter 16)

Ginny was on the high of her life. She went at her work each day as if every one of those sometimes shopworn stories were the first one she did for the college paper. Her editors were impressed.

“Good story on the mother with the Down’s syndrome kid,” said one. She had forgotten about it, noting its page one location almost in passing in the midst of making calls for an edition story.

“Thanks, Eddie,” she said. “Got a cigarette?” She’d gone back to smoking, partly because she was enjoying life so much and wanted to savor all the little pleasures. Amazingly, she kept her butt consumption down, which helped preserve the fleeting joys of drag and exhale.

“What have you got for tomorrow?” Eddie asked.

“Never satisfied, are you?” she asked, grinning.

“The insatiable journalistic maw? You kidding? Million stories in the naked city, kid, and room for every one of them. If they’re good enough.”

“Sure, sure, old buddy, except on tight news-hole days. Right?”

Eddie waved her away and took a phone call.

She hustled back to her desk to take a call. “Ginny?” It was Fred the banker.

“I can’t talk now, Fred. I’m very busy.”

“I won’t be long,” he said. “Listen. About the other night.”

“What other night?”

“Oh, That night. You want to apologize.”

“Well, yes,” he said, faltering.

“It’s O.K. Fred. No hard feelings.”

“Really?”

“Really. We all have our moments.”

“Well yes, but —”

“No, really, Fred. Don’t worry about it.”

He seemed to brighten. “Well that’s good. I’m glad I called.”

“Thanks for calling,” she said.

“Well I was thinking we might get together. For a drink?”

She thought of telling him she was on the wagon, but didn’t. “I tell you, Fred,” she said. “Let’s not for a while, O.K.? Let’s go our separate ways for a while, O.K.?”

“How long?”

Jesus, she thought, he really wants to know how long. “I don’t know.”

I should tell him never, she thought. “I . . . don’t know Let’s just let it ride for a while. O.K.?” Eleanor at the desk was signaling her another call. “They’re on my tail here, Fred,” Ginny said. “I have to go.” She hung up and took Eleanor’s call, she thought from a source.

It wasn’t a source, but the Trib columnist, wanting to know, of all things, the phone number for Father Patrick Devlin.

“Why are you asking me?” she said. It was all she could manage, stunned as she was by the caller’s boldness.

“You’re his friend, aren’t you? I thought you’d know.”

Ginny clicked the line dead, then sat there, staring. Chutzpah, she thought, then turned to her notes.

But she was distracted. What did her answer tell the Tribune fink? She should have played games with him. Hanging up told all. Patrick and she were an item. An eye-tem.

She called Patrick.

“Hello there,” he said. He called her “Sweet” in private, but on the rectory telephone spoke differently. “How’s the scandal business?”

“Please. Not now,” she said. “I don’t feel like it.”

“Got a headache? Ho, ho, ho, ho,” he said.

“How you doin’?”

“Oh, I’m just sitting here mulling a traumatic lunchtime conversation with my confessor.”

“You went to confession?”

“To my friend Nate.”

Is he at St. Emma’s?”

“There hasn’t been a priest at St. Emma’s named Nate since Jesus appeared in the upper room.”

“Patrick, will you make sense?”

“O.K. Nate’s not a priest. He’s a lawyer and former basketball player at Columbus Park. No, Austin Town Hall. He played baseball at Columbus. Second base. Weak arm, so he played second base. Great on the pivot.”

She was smiling by now. “You know, I’m forgetting why I called you.”

“Why did you call?”

“I forget,” she said, breaking off in laughter. Eddie turned from his spot at the desk a few yards away as she laughed, giving her a stage look, over his glasses. He grinned, shook his head and turned back.

“I called because that columnist called, from the Trib. Wanted your phone number. Said I’d know because I’m your friend. It bothered me.”

“Pay no attention. Are we news?”

“To some we are. Let’s face it.”

“I’d rather not,” he said. “Since Nate heard my confession, I’m not the same devil-may-care fellow.”

“He threatened excommunication?”

“Nothing that bad. He just foretold financial disaster. Nothing serious.”

“For the nation?”

“For me.”

“For you? Why? Your portfolio in trouble?”

“My career, as you might say from outside the church. My vocation, as seen from the inside. I’m at a crossroads.”

“Because of me?”

“I would have to say you represent a major part of the conundrum, yes.”

“Hmm. We’ll have to talk about this some more.”

“Why? It’s only a major life decision, calling for all our powers of will and concentration.”

“Why don’t we have dinner? In an hour or so, after I’m through here. At a McDonald’s or Burger King. Where the price is right?”

Normally I’d say no,” he said. “You don’t discuss impending financial disaster at a Burger King. The Ritz Carlton is where you discuss financial disaster. You fold the napkins neatly as the Titanic begins to tilt radically forward. But in this case I’ll make an exception.”

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

They stood in line at the McDonald’s on Madison Street in Oak Park.

Devlin had suggested it rather than some place downtown, because he didn’t feel like going downtown and Ginny didn’t care. In fact, she said she would just as soon leave downtown behind for the moment. Her story hadn’t panned out, she’d had to put it off for later in the week, and Eddie had twitted her about breaking her string. All in good fun, but she was a bit irritated.

Time to flee west.

“May I help you?” asked the pretty black girl from behind the chrome-like counter top. It was the patented McDonald’s “May I help you?” but it had a smidgeon of willingness to make contact about it. The girl had not succumbed to becoming a robot.

“Let’s see,” said Devlin, dressed in open-necked sport shirt and slacks.

“We’re at McDonald’s. You’re supposed to know,” Ginny told him, smiling at the counter girl.

“I know, I know,” said Devlin, looking up at the display of possibilities.

“Let’s see, let’s see. You go,” he told Ginny.

“Hamburger, small fries, small coffee,” she said, adding, “For here.” He looked at her in amazement.

“Geez, you sure make up your mind fast.”

The counter girl looked at him, pencil ready.

“Uhh,” he said, then paused. “The same,” he said, going for his wallet.

But Ginny had money ready. Putting out her hand and touching his arm, she said, winking, “Wait. Let the steady income take the check. Hard times coming and all that.”

The girl watched with a glimmer of a smile, took the money and gave change with what which Ginny took as a “That’s O.K.” look on her face, and turned behind her to pick up the burgers and rest.

They sat near a window, from which Devlin could see St. Denis’s steeple a few blocks away.

“I been in this neighborhood a long time,” he said. “Since I was a kid.”

“Mmmm,” she said, biting into the hamburger. “Mmmm,” she said again, holding up the burger. “Good.”

He bit into his and stared out the window. “We used to get shakes at the Daisy Dairy down the street.” He motioned east with his head. Remember milk stores?”

“No,” she said.

“People bought their milk there.”

“Really?”

“I mean they were stores that mainly sold milk and cream and so forth. This one had a soda counter too. Had a nervy, lippy, good-looking dame behind the counter. Took nothin’ from nobody. Buddy of mine left without paying once’, she told me, ‘Hey, Shorty, go shag your friend in here. He owes me money.’ I said something about he couldn’t be any friend of mine if he skipped that way. She called me ‘Shorty.’ I didn’t think I was particularly short.”

“Were you?”

“Hey, who’s side are you on, anyway?”

“What if someone sees you here with me. We’re in your back yard, aren’t we?”

“At McDonald’s? Are you kidding? Second only to the Daisy Dairy for wholesome surroundings. You’re my cousin from Podunk Corners, Ohio, in for the weekend. You’re someone I’m counseling. You’re a newspaper reporter I’m trying to dissuade from exposing the archbishop any further than he’s been exposed already by your snoopy confreres. No problem.”

“Really. Anyhow, you don’t know where a priest will turn up these days, dressed in what sort of civilian clothes and in what sort of company.”

“You even read about it in the newspaper. You know that columnist called me today? Mike Reid?”

“The one exposed me? Me the Rush Street Brawler? He wanted my new phone number.”

“Right. How’d you know?”

“He got it, and called me. Since we talked.”

“No.”

“Yep. Wanted to know what’s up, why I lost my job at St. Denis. Was it connected with the fight and so forth?”

“What’d you tell him?”

“The unvarnished truth. It’s all I’m capable of. All I’m good for, at this point.”

“Namely?”

“No. Not connected to my fight.”

“You confirmed the fight?”

“What, do you want me to lie to the guy?’ If I can’t tell the truth, what good am I?”

“Patrick, you innocent! You babe in the woods! Couldn’t you at least equivocate? Be Jesuitical about it?”

“Oops! Protestantism hanging out there. Tuck it back in. Actually,” he continued, “there is opinion to support that. In fact, I read an article about it by a Jesuit once. He said you could do that, the Redemptorist said you couldn’t.”

“What are you talking about?”

“A journal article. On the morality of lying. I mean equivocating. The Jesuit emphasized the inquirer’s right to know. The Redemptorist emphasized proper use of the faculty, in this case speech and its equivalents. Like in birth control. Use the faculty for what God intended it and for no other purposes. In the case of birth control, the faculty in question is —” He lowered his eyes towards his lap, then shifted them towards hers, bending over the table as he did so.

“Patrick, stop it,” she said.

“I’m just giving you a short course in moral theology.”

“What’s a Redemptorist?”

“Another order. Strict constructionists. Nice fellows but very strict. Used to be, anyhow. To be frank, I haven’t read anything in the field in twenty years.”

“And Jesuits?”

“Jesuitical, actually. Very smart. So smart they figure loopholes, which makes them very helpful to the rank and file, who can’t figure them. Often liberal, therefore.”

“That’s their reputation.”

“Sure. It’s because they’re so smart. They are very smart bastards, let me tell you.”

She sat back and looked at him, drinking her bad McDonald’s coffee.

“What are you going to do?”

“Wait for him to call me again, and then equivocate. He’ll see through it, though. I’m no good at it.”

“I don’t mean with Reid. I mean with yourself.”

“He looked down again. “Tell him I’m not gonna play with myself, if that’s what you mean. There’s no future there—-”

She held up a hand, as if signaling “Stop.”

“You mean my life and vocation and financial future and all that.”

She nodded.

Well for openers, I’m going to keep my head when all about me are losing theirs, or at least letting them twirl around a bit on their necks.

Catholic friends aren’t worried about it.”

“How many know you’re in transit?”

“Am I in transit? Let’s not jump any guns here. They got guys up in the South American mountains who do a nice job saying mass and so forth,

things. We ought to relax a little. Maybe it’s time for a rennaissance of clergy concubinage in Oak Park. Our native son Hemingway would guugetgs be roud of us.” |

“You are a stubborn bastard, aren’t you?”

“What I am is cute. I’m one cute pr ——” He stopped when he noticed a woman looking at him. “ — bastard,” he said, looking self-satisfied.

“You’re incorrigible.”

“Hey, watch your language.”

(end of chapter 15)

In the Apocalypse.

1 Be sure of this, that in the world’s last age there are perilous times coming.

2 Men will be in love with self, in love with money, boastful, proud, abusive; without reverence for their parents, without gratitude, without scruple,

3 without love, without peace; slanderers, incontinent, strangers to pity and to kindness;

4 treacherous, reckless, full of vain conceit, thinking rather of their pleasures than of God.

5 They will preserve all the outward form of religion [!] , although they have long been strangers to its meaning. From these, too, turn away.

6 They count among their number the men that will make their way into house after house, captivating weak women whose consciences are burdened by sin; women swayed by shifting passions,

7 who are for ever inquiring, yet never attain to recognition of the truth.

This prognosis helps in perceptive.

More of same from the day’s 2nd Paul to Timothy 2: 8-15 :

Beloved: Remember Jesus Christ, raised from the dead, a descendant of David: such is my Gospel, for which I am suffering, even to the point of chains, like a criminal. But the word of God is not chained.

Therefore, I bear with everything for the sake of those who are chosen, so that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, together with eternal glory.

This saying is trustworthy: If we have died with him we shall also live with him; if we persevere we shall also reign with him.

Hope springs, yes.

Not laid aside for Devlin, however, was the bigger question of What To Do. He was past the age of decision-making as regards life goals. He was with a woman outside of marriage or intended marriage or even a looser relationship that fitted in with the rest of his life. If he were a footloose bachelor, he reasoned, it would be different. Who would care? Who would be surprised. But he was a total anomaly as things were. And the hell of it was, that aside from Ginny he had no one to discuss the matter with.

Ginny looked at him when he told her that. Again, two days after the lusty Sunday when he floated his right-and-wrong ideas in bed, they lay across from each other. It was early evening. He had greeted her when she got home from work. They had coupled hungrily, sans supper, and now lay talking, each with head resting on palm, elbow on sheet.

“Patrick,” Ginny said, reaching over to feel his cheek with the backs of her fingers. “It’s the nature of the relationship.”

He bit a finger lightly. “Exclusive.”

“What is it you want to say, anyhow?”

“To my nonsignificant other, my insignificant other, whoever he or she may be?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, I would want to recite the ways my true love pleases me. How about that?”

“Write poetry.”

“Poetry?”

“Absolutely. Look in your heart and write about your true love and how she pleases you. The world is waiting. Go ahead.”

“I could preach about it.”

“Patrick, for God’s sake don’t preach about it. You’ve done enough oddball preaching already.”

“You didn’t think it was oddball when you wrote that wonderful article about me.”

“I don’t now either. I take it back. Unconventional. That’s it. You’ve done enough unconventional preaching.”

“I’m not sure about that.”

“Well now that you mention it, neither am I.” She paused. “Patrick,” she said.

“What?”

“The hell with it.” She moved toward him and went at him in a flash.

As they grappled and twisted, he managed a final comment: “Trouble with you is, you know all my weak spots.”

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Devlin moved in with Dolan a few weeks after he heard from Crowley that his replacement had been named at St. Denis. He rushed the process, leaving even before the new man came. Dolan had implied it would be better that way.

“You’re in an interim period, aren’t you?” he asked Devlin.

“I guess so,” he said.

“Anyhow, a comfortable bed awaits you at St. Emma’s,” Dolan said.

Devlin refrained from observing that the St. Emma’s bed made two where he was welcome. That was the last thing Dolan needed, to hear about Ginny’s hospitality.

“What does it mean?” Ginny asked when he told her about the move. “Have they found out about me?”

“No.”

“How do you know?”

“Nobody’s said anything, for one thing.”

“What would they say? How would they handle it? Who would handle it?”

“In this archdiocese, here and now, the vicar general, the archbishop’s right-hand man. He’d probably call me down and put me on the archbishop’s carpet. Then the archbishop would order the torturers up from the basement.”

“Patrick!”

“Just kidding. They might put me on a one-legged stool under a bright light for hours on end, questioning me, but no rough stuff.”

“You’re very funny.”

“It’s my way of masking my despair. Laughing on the outside and all that.”

“Are you in despair?” she asked. “For your soul? Now I feel guilty.”

“For helping a soul go to hell? Are you kidding? God, some of you Protestants are guilt-prone.”

They were eating breakfast in her apartment. He had taken a few days off after his move to St. Emma’s, which was unsettling for a reason he hadn’t considered: it was a move from his house to another’s. Speak all the democratic sense or nonsense you want about the new church, it still mattered to be a pastor. He’d been demoted and it hurt.

“If I feel guilty, it’s not because hell is on the horizon for you.”

“It isn’t,” he said. “I’d die before I’d go to hell.”

“It’s because your life is unravelling.”

“Cherchez la femme.” He shrugged. They were at her kitchen table, with morning sun coming in. “Women do that, don’t they? Unravel men’s lives?”

“Piece by piece, until there’s nothing left. It’s a terrible burden. We know what we’re doing. That’s the trouble.” She’d gotten into the swing of it with her Patrick: point and counterpoint, indirection, riposte here and riposte there. “Quo vadis?” she said.

“Whither go I?”

“Right.”

“What Jesus said to Peter.”

“Yes. Famous novel title. Curious Protestant school girl checks it out, gets the meaning, stashes it away for future use. Discovers use one morning years later as she eats breakfast with priest lover. What a world we live in, eh, Patrick?” She was grinning.

He laughed. “Breakfast with blasphemy. You’re Jesus, I’m Peter.”

“Sure. Remember how you did that as a kid? Take parts at a moment’s notice. ‘You be Susie, I’ll be Joe! Then off to wonderland, to a world of our own making.”

“No,” he said.

“No what? You didn’t do it?”

“I don’t remember it.”

“You don’t?”

“No. I blocked it out, I guess.”

“Unhappy childhood?”

“I don’t remember,” he said, as she started to supply the answer with her own “You don’t remember.”

“I really should have seen that coming,” she said.

“Do you remember your childhood, frequently recall things? Are you frequently reminded?” he asked.

“Well, not frequently. But often enough. Yes, I’m often enough reminded that way.”

“I almost never am.”

“Hmm. Is that bad, or good?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “I accept it. It’s part of my life. I’m fatalistic about it.”

“You can’t be. You believe in God.”

“Let’s not get on that one. Anyhow, some very bitter people believe in God, and resent him. They take God seriously enough to be very angry at him.”

“I know,” she said. “We have people at the office who are totally blocked on the subject by what goes wrong in the world. One guy jokes — I think he jokes — about buying in with the devil. The devil’s his guy, God’s your guy, that sort of thing.”

“Manichaean.”

“Manicotta?”

“Every time I get serious, you bring up cheese.”

“Manichaean?”

“Yep,” he said. “Good and evil two eternal warring principles. Never the twain shall meet. Clash of two titans. Pay your money and take your choice. A good sixteen-hundred years old. Manichaeism, I mean. Not a new idea.”

She listened, fascinated. “I don’t see things that way at all. I don’t even begin to see them that way.”

“You know why? Because you lack faith. You’re a modern secularist without the faith to be a heretic.”

“I didn’t know I was so bad off.”

“I didn’t say you were bad off. You’re not faith-oriented, that’s all. You’re the kind of people I was preaching to with my notorious atheistic sermons. The sermons that got me in trouble because they, or I, did not assume my Sunday listeners believed in God. I still think I was right, but that’s ancient history.”

“You know what I should have done,” she said. “When I wrote you up?”

“What?”

“I should have interviewed your parishioners.”

“You should have. You’re right.” He leaned forward. “See what they thought about it. As a matter of fact, so should I have done that. I should have interviewed them, and then preached my little heart out. Maybe I was wrong about it. Who knows?”

————

“Why are you at St. Emma’s? What happened to St. Denis? Are you in hot water?” Nate Goodman wanted to know.

“Nate, it’s a long story,” said Devlin. “I thought you knew.”

“How would I know? Was it in the Jewish Daily Forward?”

“Listen. Where are you?”

“I’m home. Carol just told me. I’m on my way downtown.”

“Have you had breakfast?”

“No.”

They set up breakfast down the street from St. Emma’s. Over coffee Devlin explained.

“It started with my sermons on atheism. For them I got suspended.”

“Without pay?”

“With pay. But I couldn’t preach about anything.”

“Not about anything? Not even on, say, the ten commandments? Something solid, where mistakes were practically impossible?”

Devlin shook his head.

“Pat, there can’t be that many preachers around, and they bounce you unconditionally from the pulpit? It must have meant a lot to them.”

“It did. As a priest I’m a helper and all that, but I’m also an authority figure. This is not a laissez-faire church. You know that.”

“From the pulpit you speak with authority.”

“Right,” said Devlin. “I’m up with nineteen hundred-plus years behind me. Not to mention my claim, such as it is, on the Old Testament centuries.”

“Such as it is.”

“Right. So I can’t just pop off.”

“Some do.”

“On this or that subordinate issue. Racism, nuclear war, et cetera. But not on God questions. That was my mistake. I played around with the big God question, whether there is or isn’t, and the word got around, and I got suspended. Then I pulled in my horns and got reinstated, and then I got in the newspaper explaining myself, and then they decided I needed a new arena. No more St. Denis. Meanwhile, the new man is heading there, and I’m at St. Emma’s, between jobs. I didn’t mention it the other night because I didn’t feel like going into it.”

Nate sighed. “Now what?”

“Now I keep my lines out and wait for an assignment.”

“Milwaukee maybe?”

“No, it’ll be in the archdiocese. Somewhere in Cook County or Lake County. Four hundred or so parishes, plus assorted nursing homes et cetera. Somewhere there’s a place for me.”

“I still don’t get it,” said Nate.

Devlin looked at him. “Where are the holes in my story?”

“Well, here you are with twenty-plus years in the business, a pastor in Chicago before you’re fifty. You told me once that was an achievement.”

“Used to be more than it is now. Go on.”

“You’re running a big operation, big church, with a vote equal to any two, I’m sure. Anyhow, you’re in charge, more or less, at least as far as someone like me is concerned. You’re over the hump about whether you want to be a priest when you grow up . . .”

“Very funny.”

“Well, it’s in the news a lot, isn’t it? Or used to be. Have things died down a bit? Have priests settled in for the long haul? Or are they still reviewing their options, like a few years ago?”

The waitress brought eggs.

“It’s people like you I think the archbishop and others of his ilk are chiefly worried about. He doesn’t want to look bad in the eyes of the unwashed public.”

“Now there’s an area I’ve never heard you go on about, the archbishop and his, as you say, ‘ilk.’”

“You won’t, either. I don’t want to get involved with that. I’ve got enough problems of my own.”

“He’s one of them, from where I’m sitting. He’s bouncing you around, isn’t he?”

“Yes, but not without cause. Insufficient cause, but cause nonetheless. Knowing him, I should have known better.”

“Than to do what?”

“Preach with my mouth full.”

Nate laughed. “Like the little kid at table.”

“Yeah. I should have kept my mouth shut about my various doubts and probing, one, and I should have stayed out of the newspaper, two. Another archbishop might have handled me differently, but there I was to be handled, one way or another.”

“And now you’re out on your ass.”

“Well at least I’m not driving a cab or pumping gas.”

“What priest ever drove a cab or pumped gas?”

“Are you kidding? The cabdriver’s been written up, but long after he went beyond the pale. He’s a social-action radical, puts the ax to the root and all that, very direct, very much on archbishop’s shit list.”

“He made the list, did he?” said Nate. “Like the dean’s? In college?”

“The gas-pumper’s another story, not yet told. He needed the money.”

“To live?”

“That’s what I understand. Maybe to support his charities. He was in a parish where you get I.O.U.’s in the collection basket. Anyhow, he pumped gas for a while.”

“Must have been a nonconformist in the first place.”

“I don’t know. But you’re right. That would have been a problem. It’s a very carefully organized institution.”

“Very efficient, right?” asked Nate.

“Second only to General Motors, the old saying goes. It’s wrong.”

“Well what’s going on inside you?” asked Nate. “Are you cracking under the strain of being part of it?”

“Do I look it?”

“Frankly, no. In fact, you been looking better. But Pat, you had to be thinking overtime to go with those sermons, which from what I hear were not run-of-the-mill stuff.”

“I was under a strain, yes.”

“And now you’re not, I’d say, lost parish and all. Which points to some sort of resolution.”

Nate looked at him, and Devlin looked back. Nate didn’t look away. “Right?” he said.

Devlin blinked. “You want to know what’s going on,” he said.

“I know what’s going on,” Nate said, but a shadow crossed his mind as he said it. “I want to know what you’re going to do.”

“Like what?”

“Like are you going to wait around St. Emma’s until they find a spot for you in Midlothian? Or are you going to make a few moves of your own?”

“Get out?”

“At least begin to cover your ass. Or is it your ambition to be a cabdriver or gas-pumper?”

“You’re talking economic plans,” said Devlin.

Nate threw up his arms and rolled his eyes. “What do you think I’m talking about, a hobby?”

“Well there is a major vocational question here, Nate,”

“I know there is, but you seem to be attacking it on your own.”

“What do you mean?”

“What do I mean? Here you are thrashing about like a hooked fish, stripped of your command after twenty years, shelved at fifty, or whatever you are, having by your own admission provoked retribution after obviously entertaining rebellious nonconformist thoughts at least for a while, and you don’t know what I mean when I say you’ve been attacking your vocational problem?”

Devlin looked at him. “No,” he said weakly.

“Pat, you do take all,” Nate said, drinking some coffee and looking away.

Devlin blinked and drank some coffee too.

(End of Chapter 14)

The next day Dolan considered the way the world was going for him and his friends. He did so before, during and after mass, which he said in a somnolent state, half between sleep and wakefulness. The movements were second nature. It was a rote effort that fit in with the moment, before the day had gotten going, in a quiet church with twenty or so people watching. This day he dispensed with the short homily he’d become accustomed to giving even on weekdays, because he had Devlin on his mind.

He held out the wafer at Communion and the people took it from him, putting it in their own mouths. A few held their mouths open, tongue out, head tilted back in the old style, preferring not to touch the sacred host. Dolan didn’t blame them. They’d been brought up with tales of possible sacrilege if even a crumb fell to the floor. As a young priest, he had sent the altar boy running for a “purificator,” a starched white napkin folded in thirds, with which to wipe the spot where a host had fallen. The altar boy who caught one on the paten he held out under outstretched chin was a minor hero. Nothing to match the boy saint who died at the hands of pagans rather than surrender the host, of course. But a hero none the less.

He was thinking how you couldn’t understand some early Graham Greene stories unless you knew about pre-reform reverence by Catholics for the host as he put the chalice away after communion.

“Let us pray,” he intoned, and the mass was over in a few minutes. In the sacristy he stayed and prayed a little bit, kneeling at the cushioned pre-dieu, holding forehead in hand. Prayer was more and more a time for him of reflection interspersed with a few quiet moans of semi-hopefulness. He had long ago decided that either he hadn’t understood the instructions he’d been given about prayer or the instructions were meant for someone else, not him, or the instructions were just stupid. They were probably some of all three, he decided further. So he went his own way, trying this and trying that.

The first thing he pitched was any whiff of forced cheeriness about it. Then he taught himself to think of saints and even Jesus as human beings like himself, who if they didn’t have moods and resentments like his, had their own to contend with. He decided the saints and Jesus had been badly treated by almost everybody who had been written about them.

At the point of this realization, his language began to deteriorate from a priestly norm. From the time as a seminarian when he observed the proprieties, he had descended to his present state in which he cut loose with epithet, excoriation and even curse when the spirit moved in. Not the Holy Spirit, he felt pretty sure, but then how could you tell?

Back in the rectory, he took a call from Barney Crowley of the personnel office, asking if he had room for Devlin at St. Emma’s. They had a replacement ready for Devlin at St. Denis, but nowhere to go yet. Westchester had been taken by a man two years younger than Devlin, who’d been on the West Side for twelve years and wanted out of that ministry.

“Sure I’ve got room for him, Barney,” said Dolan. “Too bad he couldn’t get Westchester.”

“Yes, it is too bad,” said Father Crowley. “But something else will come along, and meantime he has to go somewhere. Staying in Oak Park seems a good idea, and you’re his friend. It makes sense.”

Dolan agreed. They hung up. He called Devlin. “Little golf today?”

“It’s not my day off,” said Devlin, who was planning lunch with Ginny downtown but didn’t care to burden Dolan with that information.

“Well how about making it your day off?” Dolan was struck with the curious sense of duty that kept a prince from golf on a work day in the midst of courting a girl friend. “Or half day? Few hours?”

Devlin did some fast figuring. “O.K.,” he said. “This afternoon.” He’d make hospital rounds in the morning, then get back from the Ginny lunch in time for Dolan. They made a date for three at St. Denis, from which they would head right away for Columbus Park.

Devlin had heard from Crowley also, with word of his replacement and the suggestion that he live with Dolan for the time being. And just when things were starting to look up, he thought. He was clicking all over the place lately, bouncing from teen night to nursing homes to the pulpit and back, spreading cheer all over the place.

He’d known his days at St. Denis were numbered. He’d raised too much hell when he was groping around preaching about atheism. And yet he hadn’t done anything wrong. He’d just been careless about his constituencies, especially the one on State Parkway.

“You knew the archbishop would land on you, Pat,” Dolan had told him. “You should have been more careful.”

He’d known that but had pressed too hard. One part of him felt unfairly treated, but the other told him he should have known better. Dolan railed against Archbishop Houlihan as much as anybody, and his position was well known. But he never gave the old man a handle with which to fling him about, as Devlin was being flung about. The personnel board, priests like himself, knew that, but they also knew Devlin had given cause. Not sufficient cause but cause nonetheless, and they had other fish to fry. So Devlin was being moved. So find him some place else. He hasn’t lost his health insurance, has he? No. O.K., let him flourish, his suspension finally lifted, in Westchester or Justice or Bloom Township. They weren’t the ends of the world.

When Devlin was floating around emotionally, he agreed with that line of thought. Now he wasn’t so sure. So Crowley’s call caught him unawares and gave him a bad feeling in the stomach. Then Dolan called, and now he had a full day ahead of him.

– – – – – – – – – –

Dolan came promptly at three. The two decided to walk to the golf course, a few blocks to Jackson, the street where Devlin, jogging, had been overtaken by Arthur Williams, and then a few more east to the golf course itself.

They looked out of place in the middle of a week-day afternoon, the two of them lugging bags of clubs, dressed like workman. As they crossed Austin at Jackson, they caught a few yells from a pickup-load of city workers on their way to plug a pothole or two. The proper response was a middle finger held straight up, followed by waving golf clubs if the truck stopped to unload its offended passengers, followed by street melee if the spirit (not the Holy one) moved all concerned, all of it a typical city-street confrontation of the 1980s between well-meaning adult males.

Instead, the two priests ignored the yells and went their way, reaching the first tee and finding nobody there but the attendant, who took their money and waved them on.

The game was their usual hacking exhibition. The talk was guarded, because the main subject was becoming unmentionable.

“How’s your teen club coming?” asked Dolan, addressing the ball with an old driver.

“Not bad,” said Devlin.

Dolan hit his drive and didn’t pursue the teen-club topic, Devlin said no more about it.

“How are the Skeltons?” Dolan asked.

“That reminds me,” said Devlin. “I was supposed to —” He stopped. Dolan was taking a shot and so was somewhat distracted.

“What’d you say?” he asked, when he’d swung and sent the ball on one of his low line drives.

“You asked about the Skeltons,” said Devlin. “They’re fine.”

“You started to say something about what you forgot,” said Dolan.

“That was nothing,” said Devlin. It was that he was supposed to press Ginny again on what was happening to Mimi Skelton’s columns at the Sun-Times, but he didn’t want to go into that with Dolan.

“How’s your friend?” asked Dolan.

“Wait a minute,” said Devlin, who was making extended efforts to line up a five-iron shot. He did so, took the shot, and clucked satisfaction as the ball landed on the green, rolled a few feet and stopped.

“She’s fine,” he said, smiling and looking at Dolan, but adding nothing.

“Good,” said Dolan, who then swung viciously with his five-iron and took a huge piece of turf, which went almost as far as the ball. Thin-lipped, he picked up his bag and stalked the ball the twenty yards it had flown, attacked it again, this time sending the ball in a beautiful arc up and past the green by the twenty yards he had just achieved. Devlin got the divot and replaced it, eyeing his friend as if to keep him from doing any more damage.

Neither said anything as Dolan, white-faced, propelled the ball in his next shot to the side of the green from which he had just come and in another managed to dribble onto its edge, gaining extremely long-putt distance to the cup.

Devlin was only a few yards from the cup. Dolan’s first putt was true but very short. His next was the right distance but well off the mark. His third stopped at cup’s edge. Devlin’s only putt was on the button. It would have sunk in a cup half the size, so centered it was. Devlin loved the hollow clicking sound the ball made as it fell in, but he didn’t say so. It was no time to take bows. He was travelling with a wounded lion.

They walked to the next tee in silence. Devlin could hear Dolan taking deep breaths. Devlin drove, continuing his amazingly good play with a long, straight shot that lifted in steps as it roared down the fairway, then seemed to hang there a fraction before landing softly and then rolling a few yards.

Dolan watched it as if hypnotized. He gave Devlin a look of half amazement, half spite and went past him to the tee, plugging his ball into the ground with a vicious twist, standing in front of it squarely and sending his ball off into the distance over the tops of trees that led back to the densest wooded section of the course.

He stood watching it disappear, then looked at Devlin, who watched with a strained seriousness. He saw his opening, however, and took it: “You really hit that one, Terry,” he said, and they both dissolved in laughter.

“You bastard,” said Dolan, and teed up another one.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Devlin was past discussing Ginny with Dolan. He wasn’t sure exactly when this became his decision. Maybe during the Sunday-night session in which Dolan let his hair down about the whole question of Dolan-cum-girl-friend and related matters.

At no point that night was Devlin angry at Dolan. He accepted his friend’s rejection of the Ginny business, no questions asked. Dolan was keeping himself away from consideration of “alternate life style” as an option for himself. When Devlin began to move toward such a change for himself, it was too close to home for Dolan. He couldn’t go along, Devlin decided.

“Hello, my love,” he said, talking into the telephone in his room at the rectory.

“Pretty sure of yourself, aren’t you, Buster?” Ginny said, talking from the city room.

“No surer than is reasonable for a genial, fortyish cleric who has found a friend.”

“Fortyish sounds a bit generous in the direction of thirty, one, and two, you found your friend in Jesus a long time ago, Buster. Don’t give me that stuff.”

“I love it when you call me Buster. It’s so, uh, intimate.”

She laughed. “Bullshit. Intimate. Hah.” She laughed some more.

“Dinner?” he said.

“No. Lunch is enough for one day. We don’t want to overdo anything.”

“We don’t? You don’t go along with that comedienne, what’s her name? Tomlin. The counterculturist?” he said.

“Nine to Five.”

“Yes, but not that. I didn’t see that. I saw her live in concert or some such, at the Goodman. She trashed her mommy and daddy, and the other counterculturists ate it up,” he said. “Lots of witticisms, like ‘Don’t believe it when your mother says enough is enough.’ That sort of thing.”

“Well it’s always fun to trash your parents. You get them back for trashing you. Anyhow,” she said, “I have work to do, and so do you, remember? Teen Club or whatnot? Right?”

“Whatnot. I’ve got lots of whatnot tonight. Schedule loaded with whatnot,” he said.

“Which you can handle easily, I’m sure. G’bye.”

Devlin hung up, smiling, and sat back, hands folded in back of his head. By all odds, he should be feeling intolerable strain, he thought, but he didn’t feel any strain, or he felt very little. Something must be wrong. He felt as if he ought to have his conscience checked, to see if it had sprung a leak or needed a new fan belt.

Where were the agonies of indecision? Even modern heroes have pangs, not to mention Shakespearean. His conscience was making no coward of him at all. He was plunging ahead with abandon, alacrity, panache even. Where had this newfound panache of his been all his previous life?

Telephone. Nate Goodman, the Skeltons’ friend and his from boyhood days in Columbus Park. Last time he saw Nate was at Skeltons’.

“Hello, Buddy, how you doin’?” Devlin said.

“My complaints are few. How about you?”

They covered a few bases, asking after mutual friends. Nate’s timing was right. Only when he began talking to him did Devlin realize he welcomed a break from his thoughts. He was feeling good, but still he was about to burst with his thoughts.

Nate’s wife Carol was working at home, on something she was writing. The kids were staying over at friends’. How about the two of them getting a bite to eat? Discuss Irish-Jewish relations. Something like that.

“I’ll bring my map of the Middle East?” said Devlin.

“And I mine of Ulster,” said Nate. “And of course, you’ll have yours of Ireland with you as usual.”

“On my face. Yeah, yeah, I know.”

They settled on Richard’s, in Forest Park, one of the last bastions of German beer-—drinking in a village that once had nothing but, with names like bungalow-filled streets.

“Remember Gottlieb Schwab’s?” Devlin asked as they sat in the rear of Richard’s, at formica-topped tables.

“The place on Circle Avenue. Dark beer and all. It’s a gay bar now, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know. I’ve heard there’s one around there. It was gay then, for my money, in the old meaning of the word,” said Devlin.

“Before liberation and enlightenment,” said Nate.

“Exactly. Spoken like a true reactionary.”

“I do my best,” said Nate, looking around.

The waitress brought two schooners.

“Anyhow,” said Devlin, wiping foam off his lip, “When it was Gottlieb Schwab’s, 1957, I think, a hot week night. I was almost newly ordained. With some pre-seminary school buddies, married mene Boys! night out, that sort of thing. Me in soft clothes, of course.”

“Reverting,” said Nate.

“Right. Returning to my disgusting origins. You get it. The primordial ooze.”

“Slime?” asked Nate.

“Good. Slime. That says it. Ah, you Jewish fellows are so smart. You get that way from studying Hebrew when you’re little kids. Right?”

“No,” Nate said. “Latin makes you smarter.” He smiled.

Devlin grinned. “Why do I joust with you? Where does it get me? All I ever do is lose.”

They ordered soup and sandwiches.

“Back to Gottlieb Schwab’s,” said Nate.

“Yes. So we sat drinking beer for an hour or so, reliving past triumphs and all that, and at some point one of us, maybe me, spilled some and called to the young-guy bartender — who wasn’t any part of this, you understand,

We were a bunch of outsiders, maybe dimly understood to be Micks —”

“At least he knew you weren’t part of his immediate family,” said Nate.

“Right. He knew we weren’t -— what’s the word? —- landsmen.”

“You didn’t live on his block, mainly,” said Nate.

“We were not among his familiars. Anyhow, one of us called for something to wipe up the beer, and he pitched a rag at us, and it brushed my face?”

Devlin said it almost as if looking for confirmation, and Nate nodded. Devlin continued, moving around to make gestures. “And you know how after a few beers the veneer wears off?”

“Of civilization,” said Nate.

“Right. The controls aren’t there. Well, the rag brushed my face on the way to our table, and I was up in a flash at the guy.”

“You went for him?”

“No, thank God. But I braced him. You know, I looked at him with cold and unblinking eye and so forth and told him what I thought of his hitting me in the face with the rag.”

“What’d he do, pull a shotgun from behind the bar?”

“He didn’t do anything. Just stood there.”

“Looking at you in cold, Teutonic fashion?”

“Right. While I looked at him in hot, Celtic fashion.”

“Geez,” said Nate. “It’s enough to cause rain. Then what?”

“Then I guess I satisfied myself with taking the guy’s measure and/or ran out of steam and went back and sat down.”

“Wow. End of crisis in the OK corral. Lucky thing too, for the hapless barkeep.”

“You kiddin’?” said Devlin. “He probably had a sap under the bar, ready to slap me with if I made a move. I’d ‘a been caught cold. I was

lucky I went back to drinking beer.”

“Not to mention the nice start to your priestly career,” said Nate. The Oak Leaves could have given you a nice play. ‘Local boy, newly ordained, is sapped by bartender. Refuses to press charges. Takes free beer instead as balm for troubled psyche.’”

Devlin laughed. “Oh boy, Nate, you should be in the newspaper business instead of a lawyer. You’ve got a great touch.”

He thought of Ginny as he said it, and a sweet wave swept over him, as of nepenthe he had drunk, he thought, mixing some poetry he had memorized as a school kid years ago with the friendly bullshit he was enjoying with his friend Nate.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

The days wore on for Devlin, to the few he had left at St. Denis. Crowley had given him two weeks, and then he would move to Dolan’s place

a mile away, deeper into the village, away from the city’s edge. Travelling light as he had over his years of the priesthood, he faced the change with a fair degree of detachment. That’s what the spiritual counselor had talked about at Mundelein, the ancient Jesuit who had studied theology at Innsbruck and recommended long walks after dinner followed by a tall, cold glass of water before digging in for the night’s study.

You had to be detached, the bent old guy would explain, himself a fair model of it, to the point sometime where Devlin wondered what made him tick. He’d go on about the love of God which surpasseth all understanding during a retreat talk, and Devlin had no cause to accuse him of insincerity. But he always wondered anyhow if the man was misguided one way or another. Something about him didn’t fit, but what did he know, a sprout in his twenties, looking the graybeard up and down, seeking chinks in armor?

But Devlin had bought the idea of detachment. If you go for the spiritual, then you better guard against the material. The old Jesuit quoted St. Augustine right and left. Someone else said Augustine was a Platonist, with was logical if nothing else. Any other approach seemed harder to grasp. Later, in the ‘60s, he heard the “Which Side Are You On?” song of the civil-rights protesters, lifted from old labor struggles.

That appealed to him also, with its clean break between right and wrong, or right and left, for that matter. And of course, there was the old radical himself, Jesus, with his uncompromising “He who is not with me is against me.” All had their appeal over the decades for Devlin, though he had been in and out of the civil-rights business without any heavy commitment. He had been no one to count on. In the end, they had their revolution, such as it was, without him.

‘That’s all right, Dev. It’s the thought that counts,” Dolan had told him.

That didn’t bother Devlin. He was used to Dolan’s observations. He wasn’t used to Dolan’s being upset, however, and though the most recent had golf-match exchange had cleared the air between the two, the last exchange before that one, about the various purposes to be achieved in life without a wife, still hung there.

As for Devlin and Ginny, that exchange or series of them went apace, to the detriment of the various all-or-nothing theses that Devlin had embraced during his life. This life went from one of apparent total dedication to one of fairly obvious compromise. He and Ginny, after all, had something going.

“You have a knit brow,” she told him one Sunday afternoon as he lay beside her in her apartment. “Prithee, why so wan?”

“Prithee?” He looked at her quizzically.

“Sure, ‘prithee.’! Why not? Good poetic language. Lover’s lament and all.”

“Lament?”

“Patrick, you’re being difficult,” she said.

“I know.” From flat on his back, he pulled up to resting on an elbow and facing her. “I must have been thinking negative thoughts,” he said.

“You’re not sure?”

“Well, it becomes a hard philosophical question. One man’s negative is another man’s something else. It’s very complicated.”

‘l’ll bet,” she said.

“Oh yes. Very difficult. The whole question of right and wrong, for instance.”

“Just to grab out and reach for a handy, pocket-size item to chew on. You feel guilty about going to bed with me?”

“Oddly, no.”

She laughed, her red hair jouncing about. “Oddly, you say. Oddly?”

“Sure. Hell, here I am your friendly Catholic pastor, in bed of a Sunday afternoon with Miss Voluptuous of 1983. Better men than I have felt twinges. Let’s face it.”

“Miss Voluptuous of, say, 1973? Maybe. But 1983? Not sure.”

“I’ll be the judge of that. Anyhow. To answer your question, while many a lesser man might feel guilty, or better for that matter, I do not. Not as far as I can determine, at least.”

“It’s the sort of thing you’d know, I think.”

“You’re right,” he said. “And I don’t. Which as any counselor knows, makes me a hard case.”

“A lost soul. cherchez la femme.”

“And no need to cherchez very far at that,” he said.

“I’m here,” she said, hiding under the cover, then peeking out, green eyes merry.

“Is that where you are?” he said, plunging under the covers, where he nuzzled, squeezed and poked to the accompaniment of Ginny’s paroxysmic laughter, twisting and moaning. The right and wrong of it were laid aside for the moment.

Was talking to a fellow the other day who was celebrating his “epiphany” of twenty-some years ago, he being 70-ish now. Something of a mid-life crisis that turned out well.

His arm went out, the doc couldn’t get it back in, Doc and three others spread-eagled him at Oak Park Hospital. It’s where modern medicine meets grunt ‘n groan. Very painful. The fellow prayed, and arm returned to socket.

In his prayer, he had seen himself on the cross with Jesus, seen himself as Jesus, asked Jesus to take on his pain. Zip, in went arm to socket.

Nurse on scene: Don’t know what you did, but it worked.

Two pain-filled weeks later, reading in the gospel where Jesus wept over Lazarus, he had his revelation — epiphany. Saw that he too should weep, at least figuratively, over other people’s pain. Not crocodile tears either, as political feelers of others’ pain.

No, he remembered one whom he had not helped when he should have, was struck with that recollection and conviction, not a vision but something better, that he should not let that happen again.

His life has not been the same, he said on the Green Line on the way to the Loop. The conviction has remained, regularly renewed. It has not gone away. He remembers more and more people he knows for whom he could have done and could do something helpful.

Years ago, Andrew Greeley, for 18 months now in his own time of spread-eagling since he was dragged by a taxi and banged his head on a curb, wrote once about how many have such prayer experiences as my friend had.

Greeley the social scientist and gatherer of information — a noble calling in a world of, ah, disinformation — had found that lots of people, including the kind we bump into on the street, have reported their own such momentarily heightened awareness of the divine.

My friend is a very thoughtful individual who reads, writes, and discusses issues of life governance. He has put in a lot of time at this sort of behavior. On his figurative cross at the hospital, he was ripe for the picking by the Divine Gatherer.

The hound of heaven, the poet Francis Thompson called God, but not before having a very rough go of it as an addict.

Better yet is the case of Ignatius Loyola, for whom a cannonball to the leg was a deciding factor. Recuperating, he ran out of tales of soldierly derring-do and read saints’ lives. Impulsive chap, he managed to find a cave where he could live and investigate himself and his future as a Christian. From that came the Spiritual Exercises and later the Jesuits.

My friend of the Green Line conversation has no such plans, for what it’s worth.

When he died a few years after this, he was the subject of heartfelt remembrance by others he had helped.

April of ‘97, my friends, when the city probably never looked better . . .

Neither seashore nor mountains . . . What a piece of work is man! And what a trip to Brooklyn and Swarthmore! Normally shrinking from crass memorializing of daily activities, I am moved nonetheless to tell that most elementary of tales: what I did on my vacation. Listen up.

Round one, Brooklyn . . . First, we got a cab, then we got a plane, then a “car.” A “car” is a reasonably priced cab-like vehicle you call and tell to come and get you at La Guardia from Brooklyn Heights. It’s a “car service” named after that neighborhood’s main street or near-main street, Montague. He dropped us at 37 Schermerhorn — say “Sch” as in skirmish. Time for tired old joke about fighting your way around New York? Sorry, I am in the market for an “I love NY” sticker.

At #37 lives #3 Daughter with four other young women. Our #3 works for the city, helping it develop economically. Later we visited her work place and met others who help that cause, hearing about the price of fish as affected or not by a crackdown on mob involvement at the Fulton market. History!

In short order we were strolling the B. Hts. Promenade overlooking the river. This is old country, remember. There’s something always on the edge of musty and littered about NY, kept in control and giving a weathered look. Lots of bricks in place for a hundred years, etc. From heights is s a view of Manhattan and the Brooklyn Bridge, which our #3 can take on foot on her way to work downtown.

The fun of getting around . . . Our three days were full of subways, as were some of us by half week’s end, but not me. They are frequent, fast, and full or half full, even at off hours. You can’t get nowhere fast on four wheels in that teeming metropolis. So subway’s the way, at $1.50 a token. As keeper of the petty cash, I was doling out the 15-spots right and left, for the ten-token package.

Subways are clean too. Some graffiti but not much. Nearest we saw to skirting legality was Korean peddlers, young man or woman moving briskly through the cars snapping a sort of cricket to (barely) announce her presence. The natives know who they are. Their wares are knick-knacks.

This is Babylon? . . . Saturday night to Union Square, downtown Manhattan, for a tap-dance show out of which I walked after five minutes. Eight or ten Australian men banging away on a wired stage in work shoes, with no music. Ears protesting and mind wondering what a piece of work this stuff was — and with only 50 years to live and not ready to spend 75 minutes of it to find out — your correspondent walked out onto the busy street.

In not too long, he found what could pass for a five-story public library and reading room, high-ceilinged and with a coffee bar, where a paperback “Henry IV, Part 2” and “Henry V” went for $3 each, plus (splurge time) a Loeb Library volume of Horace for $18.95. The first Henry neatly supplemented the Part 1 I had bought off a Waterstone’s shelf at O’Hare. (What a piece of work that Waterstone’s is.)

This Union Square (14th Street) public reading room, by the way, is the Barnes & Noble Temple of Literacy, another nice piece of work. It had people in it reading. True, there was some chatter in the coffee shop and elsewhere. But throughout this store were people wholly absorbed in books. I conceived an image of Union Square as one big campus.

Easter Day in the morning . . . On Sunday at St. Francis Xavier church, in the same general neighborhood, on 16th Street, however, the expected Jesuit influence showed itself mostly in liturgical tone (relaxed and enthusiastic) and music (damn good choir if I do say), not in the sermon. The Jesuit pastor was more Johnny Carson (or J. Leno) than John Courtney Murray (eminent theologian, Vatican II expert on religious liberty), which is I suppose as it should be. It’s a media-driven society, and people eat it up.

However, if those people I’d seen at the Barnes & Noble temple had been there and had been polled about the sermon, they would have coughed and changed the subject, I feel. Anyhow, it was better than Cardinal O’Connor delivering a political speech, as I heard a few years ago at the Cathedral. O’Connor’s OK, and he may have been 99% right in what he said, but I like my sermons reasonably pious. The St. FX preacher was pious enough but dealt too much in slogans. It was one bumper sticker after another, with a lot about “life” and “spirit” and “risen” — all pretty much a blur.

Our kids liked it, however. So I’m through complaining.

Watching your language . . . Each Brooklyn Heights morning, I went out for coffee and muffins. #1 Daughter was with me one day. Her order took a little longer. The fellow called it a “crim chizz” bagel. In the constant talking over and around people that is New York, I told her, puzzled, that her “crim chizz bagel” would be ready in a flash. “Cream cheese,” she explained to me. Of course. I felt sheepish, intending no slight.

Later at an Irish restaurant, the FBI (foreign-born Irish) waitress listed what was on tap, including Bass Ale, which she pronounced “Bahss” but I always say so as to rhyme with “crass.” Quick as wink, I said I’d have a “Bahss,” again intending no mockery. I swear, it just came out.

Immigrants all . . . On Sunday we picnicked at the marvelous park next to the Cloisters, a reinstalled monastery full of medieval art, way up on Manhattan, about 200th Street, again over a broad expanse of river. That was a mere subway ride into never-never land.

Next day we ferried to the Statue of Liberty (great ride, standing on the deck in wind and driving rain) and Ellis Island, which has a top-of-the-line exhibit about the 1890-1922 immigration screening.

A day or so later in Philadelphia, the papers were telling of the court-appointed “master” who ruled that Ellis Island belongs in large part to New Jersey. A revoltin’ development, Jimmy Durante would have said.

Getting to Philly called for a subway ride to Penn Station, where we bought a ticket for (a) a New Jersey line (trains festooned over the Ellis Island victory) and the Southeastern Pa. commuter system known as SEPTA, which I say is too close to septic for comfort.

Falling trees . . . From Philly we entrained to Swarthmore, where spring greeted us foursquare and we might have asked what is so rare as a day in April but didn’t, as far as I recall.

Here we were to visit #2 Daughter, who helps the college stay on good terms with its alumni and alumnae, of which she is herself one.

This was bucolic territory, where a major happening was the falling of a huge tree on two parked cars, which were taken away in briefcases, I believe. (No one was hurt. We returned to Oak Park on time for an empty River Forest house to blow up because of leaked gas. No one hurt there either. Phew.)

Another happening at Swarthmore was a men’s lacrosse game (sock-’em, bust-’em) vs. Western Maryland, clearly the better team. Lots of passing of that little ball, net to net, like the Bulls when they’re on, and open-field running, ball in net, like in football. On a sunny, crisp day.

Yes.

That afternoon about three, they sat in the place, inside because cold drizzle was washing off the beer-garden slates. Inside it was dark, with a lot of small, heavy-wooden tables and low rafters. Nice imitation of someone’s vague impressions of an English roadside inn. It was comfortable and cozy, and the drink in Devlin’s hand was some good bourbon on ice. And the woman before him was not the object of his pastoral concern.

“Hello there,” she said after they had greeted outside and come in and sat down and ordered and been served. She was sleep-rested. Her eyes were green and big, her hair red and fluffy.

“Hi there,” said Devlin, relaxing and sitting back. Many’s the time he’d sat in a rectory kitchen or in a golf club house after a round, shooting it with his clerical buddies. “I was just thinking how different this is,” he said.

“From what? How?” she said, leaning forward, alert.

“From the way we do it in the priesthood.” He wore an open-necked flannel shirt and a windbreaker. The place had a few other couples at tables and a a pair of guys at the bar. The other conversations were low murmurs like theirs.

She grinned. “How do you do it in the priesthood?” She stopped. “Do what, anyhow? What are we talking about, Patrick?”

He loved to hear her talk to him like that. Just a few words provided an intimacy he had never had. He was a thirsty man drinking it up.

“Sitting and drinking and talking. You, me. Alone together. No guffaws or horseplay. Relaxed.”

“Hmmm. You like it this way?” she said.

“Yep.” He looked around the room. A white guy sat with a stunning black woman. She was fingering his hand. Sunday afternoon, rainy. A place for fugitives.

“Did I tell you how I heard about the column?” he asked her. She’d been watching him.

“No.” She bent forward, resting her chin on her hands.

“Mike the usher. Came up while I was vesting.”

“While you were what?” She screwed up her face in disbelief. “Vesting? For some kind of routine?”

“For mass.” He looked almost startled. “I was getting dressed for mass. Putting on the vestments. So, I was vesting. Get it?” He wasn’t used to explaining such fundamental matters.

She smiled. “Go on,” she said.

“I’m at the vesting table, and up comes Mike.”

“Was he going to vest too?” she asked.

“Ushers don’t vest, Ginny.”

She nodded, easing up on her smile. “0.K., 0.K.”

“’Did you read the Tribune, Father?! Mike asks me. He’s all red and bald and popping out of his white shirt. ‘No, I didn’t, Mike,’ I told him, tying the amice.”: He saw she was about to ask something and said quickly, “The amice is a neckpiece you put over your shoulders and tie around front, like this.” He held his hands in front, chest-high. “See?” He said it with a quizzical look,

eyebrows raised and looking slightly irritated to boot.

Ginny threw back her head and laughed. Tears came to her eyes. “I see, I see,” she said. “Enough, enough. The amice is a neckpiece. I get it. Go on, go on.”

Looking past Ginny, Devlin saw the stunning black woman look up as Ginny laughed, amused, then turn back to her friend.

He continued. “’There’s something in there about an Oak Park priest on Rush Street slugging some guy who made a pass at a girl he was with,’ says Mike. He holds on to my arm as he says it, real intense.”

“Making it hard for you to tie your amice, I bet,” she said.

“It would have been hard in any event, let me tell you.” He sipped his drink. “’I didn’t see the paper yet, Mike,’ I said. ‘Do you know who the priest was, Father?’ he asks me. I said I didn’t.”

“You didn’t say, all bright and bushy-tailed, while vesting before nine o’clock mass on a cheery Sunday morning, ‘Why Mike, it was me. My girl friend Ginny and I were making the rounds, and some drunk looked too long down the front of her low-cut dress, breathing gin and vermouth’?”

He laughed. “Super-priest here, at your service, ma’am.”

“What if he popped in here right now?”

“Who, Mike?”

“Oh I never thought of that. I’ll have to work on that one. No, I mean my friend from Corona, the one with the broken hand.”

“Broken hand?” He almost shouted. A few heads turned.

“Oh, I didn’t tell you? He broke his hand on your jaw.”

“He barely hit me.”

“Whatever it was, it caught something wrong, or right, depending on your point of view, and now he’s got a broken hand. Can’t hit the computer keys like he’s supposed to.”

“He’s one of those?”

“He’s a banker, at Continental.”

“The little bank inside the big bank?”

“What?”

“It was a TV ad they had some years back. Before your time.”

“You are an old-timer, aren’t you?” she said.

“Old enough to know better, as the saying goes.”

“Than to sit with some chippy on a Sunday afternoon, describing esoteric garments. Vestments? Is that what they are?”

“Super-priest does everything,” he said. with a wink.

“Everything?” she asked, then, quickly: “Forget that.” She gave a wry smirk. “If you can, please. Use your storied self-control.”

“Storied self-control?”

“Don’t priests all have it? Or do they take something?” she said.

“Pills? Sex-control pills? That’s it. Birth control no, sex-control yes. No pill the one, pill for the other. Priests give ‘em out, taking large doses themselves ‘tween times.”

“Between what times, for God’s sake? You don’t mean . . . ?” She stopped, showing mock horror.

“Lapses,” he said. “Storied lapses. Come on. There are more stories about the lapses, aren’t there. Fallen sparrows and all that.”

“No,” she said. “Women are sparrows, priests are, say, eagles. Fallen eagles. Rolling along in the dust by the wayside of life.”

“’Spoiled’ is the word, like food gone bad on a shelf, full of cobwebby crap. ‘Optima-pessima’ that sort of thing.”

“Now you’re talking,” she said. “Latin, right? Talk some Latin to me. I love it. Had it in high school. ‘Optima’ is optimal, right? Optimist? Optical?”

“No. Not optical. That’s Greek. Refers to eyes. ‘Optima!’ is Latin for best. ‘Pessima’ is ‘worst.’ ‘Corruptio’ is the other word in the

saying. ‘’Corruptio optimi pessima.’ ‘Corruption of the best is worst. Or . . . .”

He paused, surveying the darkened pub and returning his eyes to Ginny, sitting with a contented smile. “’The bigger they are, the harder they fall’” he said. “Clever, eh?”

She laughed and looked at him, then let her eyes wander, holding her glass with her fingertips, then sipped the cold bourbon..

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Terry Dolan was on the phone to Devlin as soon as the last mass was over, but Devlin was reported out for the day. He tried again about three and again about five, with no luck. He ate alone at the rectory, letting the associate go his way, and by eight was on the phone again. Devlin finally called back about nine.

“Old sock, how are you?” he greeted Dolan.

“Where the hell you been?” asked Old Sock.

“To London to visit the queen. Where else does an Irishman go on a rainy Sunday afternoon? God save the queen.”

“Bullshit. What are you doing now?”

“Preparing my morning meditation. What else?” said Devlin. “It takes a long time to prepare a good meditation, right? But you’re looking for some spiritual guidance, I can tell. And souls come first, before meditation, even the souls of priests. Come visit me, my son, and unburden yourself.”

Dolan promised he would do just that, in no more than fifteen minutes.

In fourteen minutes he was at St. Denis’s back door. Devlin let him in, got a beer from the fridge, and sat down with him at the kitchen table.

“Shoot if you must, my old gray friend, but spare the country’s flag, he said,” said Devlin.

“Was that you in the Trib column?” Dolan asked.

“Terry, there are, let’s see, a dozen resident parish priests in Oak Park, right? Plus assorted order priests. Dozens more of them — Dominicans, Jesuits, Viatorians, not to mention Episcopals and Orthodox. The column didn’t say it was a Roman, did it? And not to mention the ex-priests, at least half of whom consider themselves priests, married though they be. There must be twenty-five of them, Oak Park being the liberal community it is. And what else? Let me see.”

Dolan took a drink of his beer and otherwise just sat and looked.

“But all that being the case,” Denvir continued, “nonetheless you come to me your old gray friend and put to me that leading question.” He paused. “How’d you know it was me?”

Dolan rolled his eyes, throwing back his head, then sat staring past Devlin.

“I’m calming down,” said Dolan, breathing deeply.

“Do you always look like a zombie when you’re calming down?”

“Sometimes. As a matter of fact, sometimes I do. I go into a trance, and it makes me look funny.”

He took some deep breaths and sat back, his hands in his lap. It was quiet in the house. Devlin didn’t say anything.

in his lap. It was quiet in the house. Devlin didn’t say anything.

“Wasn’t it in this kitchen?” Dolan asked.

“What?”

“Wasn’t it here we were sitting the night the special delivery letter came from Bolan? With word you were suspended?”

“It was here,” said Devlin.

“And then we prayed, with Jerry Skelton leading it? You, Jerry and I?”

“Right,” said Devlin. “I was glad you two were here, and the prayer part fit in. I was glad we prayed.”

Dolan leaned forward. “Well look, Terry. I’d like to think there’s some connection between something like that and my wondering what’s what with the Trib business. Now if I’m off base, tell me.”

“Terry, you’re not off base. Not in anything you’ve said. I’m with you all the way. You have not lost me. I’m with you, old buddy. O.K.?”

“O.K.” Dolan sipped the beer. Devlin sat there without any, waiting. “You want me to put my question again?” asked Dolan.

“Yes. Put your question.”

“Was it you in the Trib?”

“Yes,”

“Out of excruciating curiosity if nothing else, what the hell happened?”

“I was eating at the Corona with the Williamses, from the parish, and Ginny Morgan.”

“Who’s Ginny Morgan?”

“Newspaper reporter, friend of mine.”

“Oh.”

“On our way out, we ran into this bozo who knew Ginny. He pressed his attentions, I took his arm, he swung on me, I got hot and grappled with him. Somebody finally pulled us apart.”

He paused.

“Pulled me off him. And then we all left the place. Oh yeah, a Trib character came along as we were leaving. He knew Ginny and apparently put together his story. Which my fans and I greatly appreciated, by the way.”

Dolan sat shaking his head. “Baby, you’ve come a long way from ordination day, that’s all I’ve got to say. Shit, brawling on Rush street over a woman. I don’t think that’s what the bishop had in mind when he called you forth.”

“Have I betrayed my vocation, Terry?”

“You’ve strained the hell out of it, at least. Who’s Ginny Morgan?”

“Friend of mine, a newspaper reporter, I told you,” said Devlin.

“I know you told me, and I still don’t know.” Dolan looked at him.

“You want to know if she’s my girl friend. In the usual meaning of the phrase.”

“Well, I’ll tell you, Pat, if you’ve decided to have a girl friend at this stage in your life, yes, to be perfectly frank with you, I would like to know. It might affect your availability for golf or late-night drinking or saying an early — or late — mass. Who knows? It might even interfere slightly with your functioning as a priest in the Roman Catholic church as we know it.

As one who might call on you. to fill in on a funeral, in a pinch, I mean, I think I would like to know whether you have a girl friend or not. I also would like to know when I might be reading about you in the Tribune, so I can alert my flock, as it were. You know, that sort of thing. Nothing personal, of course.

Dolan widened his eyes and sat back and took a short drink of beer.

“Feel better now?” said Devlin. “Look, Terry, I don’t expect you to give three cheers about all this . . . .”

“I hope you don’t,” Dolan interrupted.

“I don’t,” said Devlin, unperturbed. “And frankly, one part of me says you are out of bounds. Wait,” he said, seeing Dolan start to react. “Wait. Hear me out.”

He stopped for a few seconds, continued, “One part of me says you’re off base, that this is me personally involved in this, and there’s no discussing it with you. But I’m rejecting that idea. It’s a bad idea. I want to be able to discuss this business with you the way I’ve discussed other things. It’s not good for man to be alone, the saying goes.”

“That’s Scripture, Pat.”

“I know it is, Terry. Calm down, will you?”

Dolan sat still, fuming.

“It’s not good for me to start some wholesale cutting off process. I know I’m a big boy now, and big boys have girl friends, but big boys also have other responsibilities. You know I’m not a romantic, Terry. The last thing I am is a romantic. Right?”

“You know I’m not, and you’re saying that just to butter me up.”

“Now if I were as mad as you about this, I’d end the conversation right there,” said Devlin. “But I’m not. You’re the one who’s mad, and I’m not. So it’s my job to stay cool.”

“You’re up to it, I’m sure. You got some coffee?”

Devlin made him some instant and put it in front of him, shoving the cream and sugar towards him.

Meanwhile, Dolan took some deep breaths and held himself in, standing up and looking out the window at the floodlit parking lot. He drank some of the coffee. “Look, Pat,” he began. “I’m glad to hear you’re not a romantic. I know you’re not. But you ought to decide a few things. Are you in passage, or what?”

“I’m in some kind of passage, yes. I’m glad you said that. I’m on my way to something new. Hell, maybe it’s a monastery. I don’t know.”

Dolan laughed. “Well, somehow I don’t think it’s a monastery. Jesus, a monastery.” He said the last part almost under his breath, looking into the distance. He sighed and took some more coffee. “I think I’ll become a coffee fiend,” he said absently. “Good stuff.” He held the cup up as if in salute.

“Do you want to hear some more?” asked Devlin.

“Yes, I want to hear some more,” said Dolan. “Shoot.”

(End of Chapter 12)

Gabriel will warn me . . .

Often enough through the consoling elements of liturgical and other elements of Catholic prayers and sacramental functions of faith, hope and charity, especially hope, aka trust!

Indeed trust, you miserable sinner you. How else, you fool? You are in the midst of an eternal understanding, even if a puny part, but treated by the Great Facilitator as the only part that matters.

Go for it, you fool. Not stand in line for it. What line? Right, there isn’t any. Speak to your Maker, and you are listened to as if He had nothing else to do.

He loves you, wants the best for you.

Believe Him, trust Him, respect Him, Father, Son, Holy Spirit.

Depend on Him (Them) for everything, what you ask for and strength to hang on and carry on if He does not give you what you had in mind when you talked to Him.

Yours not to reason why, yours but to do and when all is said and done, die.

It was nine o’clock or so when Devlin, Ginny and the Williamses finished their coffee and prepared to leave.

“Same time tomorrow?” said Devlin, enjoying a well-fed glow and relaxed from all the laughter and runaway wit.

“We can meet for breakfast. How’s that?” said Ginny, smiling and nudging him.

“After running in Columbus Park,” said Arthur. “How about a run in Columbus Park in the morning? Run with the brothers, O.K.?”

“I got my own brother right here,” said Melissa, squeezing Arthur’s arm.

“You love him like a brother, right?” said Ginny.

“Not quite,” said Melissa, with a stage grimace.

Arthur paid for his wife and himself. Devlin and Ginny went dutch. They pushed their chairs back, got up and headed for the door, where the smiling host hoped they had enjoyed themselves and was further wishing them a “nice evening” when the big guy whom Devlin had seen in the men’s room came around the corner from the bar, heading downstairs to the men’s room again.

He started to push his way through the four friends and the host, bunched up near the door, and then spotted Ginny and stopped.

“Well,” he said with a humor-free chuckle. “Well, well.” He stood blocking the door, looking at Ginny. “My friend the drink-spiller. I been waitin’ at Ric’s all night and you never showed. What’s the matter, Baby, don’t you like me any more?”

He looked around and spotted the Williamses and Dev. “Which one’s the boy friend?” he asked. “Him?” He nodded toward Arthur. “No, I don’t think so. He probably goes with her.” He nodded toward Melissa. “This the guy?” He looked at Devlin, a few inches shorter than he.

The rest stood, stunned.

The big guy moved toward Ginny and started to put an arm around her. “Come on, Baby, let’s you and me talk,” he said. Ginny moved away, slipping his arm off her. He advanced some more. “Hey, come on, what’s the problem?”

Devlin, recovering, put his arm out and took the big guy by his shoulder.

“Hey.” The guy turned to Devlin. “Hey. Get your fuckin’ arm off me. Get your God-damned arm off me.” His tone went from cajoling Ginny to threatening. He took on the look of the abused.

“Get away from here,” said Devlin. “Go away. You’re not wanted.”

“The fuck I’m not wanted. Who the fuck are you, anyway?” he said, and swung on Devlin.

He only grazed Devlin’s chin, but the move enraged the priest, who grabbed the man with both arms and began to wrestle him. The two banged against the stand with the reservation listings and rolled into a dessert tray, falling to the floor after knocking several custard puddings to the floor.

Devlin held on to the guy as the two rolled to the floor amid screams from several women and breaking of glassware. He felt the guy reach down for his face to pull him away, but the guy didn’t gouge or poke, as he could have.

Hands grappled at him and the other guy. Shouts and curses filled the air. Finally, Devlin felt himself pulled off and held by someone very strong and saw the other guy held by somebody else. Waiters scurried around.

Devlin was heaving with anger. The other guy looked more hurt than anything else. Devlin was pushed out the door into the night air. Arthur and another man got him outside.

“Take it easy,” said Arthur. Devlin heaved with exertion and emotion. His coat was torn. “Your coat’s torn,” said Arthur.

“Cheap coat,” said Devlin, engaging in the trivial as people do sometimes, when the main event is something they’d rather not think about.

Devlin felt awful, though somewhat cleansed. Ginny and Melissa joined them right away outside. The big guy was kept inside, though apparently he was not fighting to get at Devlin — or Ginny either, for that matter.

The host came out, calm as hell for the circumstances, Devlin thought. He apologized profusely and asked if he could do anything. They were telling him no, when a friend of Ginny’s came by, a reporter for the Tribune.

“What’s the matter, Al, wouldn’t they pay? You have to chase ‘em on to the sidewalk?” he asked, grinning, then stopped when he saw Devlin’s torn jacket and general disarray. “What’s up, Ginny, a rumble?” he asked.

“Hi, Ken,” she said. “Oh, nothing. Forget it.”

“Forget what? Gimme somethin’ to forget?”

“Let’s go,” said Ginny, heading them down Rush Street. Ken stood in front of the restaurant. Al went back in. Ken followed him to see what was going on.

“Nosy guy,” said Arthur as they headed for their cars.

“It’s his business to be nosy,” said Ginny. “Let’s hope he gets nothing for his trouble. You all right?” She turned to Devlin.

“Yeah, I guess so,” said Devlin, stopping to test a few muscles.

“Everything seems to be working. My mind is scrambled a bit. But the rest seems to be O.K. How you doin’?”

“Terrible,” she said. They walked along, silent. “At least you got to meet my old flame.”

Devlin stopped again and felt his chin. He tapped away at it gingerly, with two fingers held together, looking in the distance as if measuring some reaction. Then he very carefully moved his jaw around, increasing the movement until he did it rapidly and in its full circle.

“There,” he said. “That’s all right. I couldn’t stand a broken jaw. You have to eat with a straw and worst of all, you can hardly talk. All you can do is mumble. I’d hate that.”

“Where’s you car, Ginny?” asked Arthur. “How you gettin’ home?”

“Down the block, in a lot,” she said, pointing. “I’ll get home same way I came. No problem.”

“Now wait a minute. With that madman back there, you don’t want to just go off by yourself. Do you?” asked Arthur.

“He’s through for the night.”

“You don’t think he’ll follow you?”

“No. He didn’t before.”

“Before?” Devlin asked.

“When I . . .” she paused. “. . . treated him badly once before.”

“We should go with you,” said Devlin. “Let us follow you. Let me come with you in your car, and Arthur and Melissa can follow us to your place, and we’ll take it from there. Tuck you in, or whatever.”

“O.K.,” she said. She liked the idea of Devlin coming with her. Wanted to thank him, for one thing.

They found Ginny’s car. Then Arthur and Melissa got theirs and came up behind them, and the two cars took off for Ginny’s place, whose address the Williamses had too.

Devlin sat back in the front seat while Ginny headed to Grand Avenue, then turned to La Salle Street and then headed north.

“You all right?” she asked him.

“Yep.” He sighed.

“I’m really sorry,” she said. “You didn’t need that, running into some of my past that way.”

“Old flame?”

“Of sorts,” she said. “We had something going for a very little while, not long ago. Finally, he got to me very badly, and one night . . .”

“You threw a drink at him.”

She looked at him quickly. “How’d you know?”

He smiled. “I heard him complaining in the men’s room. You wounded the hell out of him. When did it happen?”

“Week or so ago. It was the night you called me about your friends the columnists. Night of the fire across the street from you. That you didn’t even know about, resting in your back bedroom as you were.”

“I don’t feel so good about all this,” he said.

“Well if you wouldn’t wear that turtleneck, things like this wouldn’t happen to you,” she said, stopping at North Avenue at a light.

“You mean if I dressed like a priest, I wouldn’t get into fights with wounded, unrequited lovers.”

“Right. Unrequited lovers would leave you alone because they would know you weren’t one yourself. Or would assume you weren’t.” She looked ahead.

“On the other hand, my position is not entirely clear in the matter, is it?” he asked.

“No, it isn’t,” she said quickly, looking ahead.

He sat there with 20 years of his life, no, really, his whole life, weighing him down. He reached out, holding his hand between them. She saw it out of the corner of her eye, left it there for a minute, then took it with her right hand, holding the wheel with her left. Later, she was to describe the touch to Devlin as electric. To him at the moment, it was more explosive than anything. It blew up a lifetime of carefully nurtured restraint. He didn’t know what to make of it. He didn’t know if he liked it or not.

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Three days later, on Sunday, the Tribune’s gossip column featured an item about Devlin and Ginny. “Pardon us for asking,” the column said, “but was that a Sun-Times reporter (female) on Rush Street the other night with a priest (male)? And didn’t that priest have to deck an obstreperous admirer of the good-looking reporter when the admirer pressed his attentions a bit too hard? We thought you were supposed to call a priest in case of accident, not have one with you to keep the wolves at bay. This could be the start of something: Have collar, will deck obstreperous admirers. But the gallant cleric, from Oak Park, we hear, was in turtleneck for the evening. So it goes. . . . . ”

Devlin heard about it when he came into the sacristy to vest for mass. One of the ushers, a bald, red-faced fellow who looked like he was about to burst out of his starched white collar, asked him, “Father Devlin, did you read the Tribune? There was something there about an Oak Park priest with a woman on Rush Street, coming to her aid or something? Crazy story. Did you read it, Father?”

“I didn’t, Mike,” Devlin said quickly, doing what he could to hide his utter surprise.

Mike asked in what was a combination of curiosity and devilment. He had to know it was a provocative question to ask an Oak Park priest, but he didn’t necessarily know anything at all. But priests to him were one solid mass of anointed humanity, distinguished by their various idiosyncrasies if they had any, otherwise all wonderful fellows.

Devlin excused himself, pretending the need to pray before mass. He fumbled with the various strings and over-the-head lace-bordered garments he had put on hundreds of times, stunned with the news. |

Sweet Jesus, in the Tribune, he groaned inwardly. It wasn’t a prayer — or was it? Jesus, he said to himself. Shit.

It wasn’t a prayer. What did he have to pray about? It was past time for prayer. The fool hath said in his heart, there is no God. Nay further, he thought, pulling the chasuble over his head, the fool hath said in his heart, I can have dinner out with a lady friend and not read about it in the Tribune. Geez.

He said mass as well as he could, looking out at the sea of upraised faces and wondering morosely which had read the paper already, before nine o’clock mass. He preached about charity, the greatest of all virtues, the rock-bottom, unassailable Christian preachment.

Who could knock charity? Who could take exception to his tried-and-true observations? No one could, which is what made the sermon insipid and ineffective — as if the two didn’t go together and furthermore as if anyone knew what made a sermon effective in the first place.

Still, as he laid out the Christian truisms — “observed in the breach by all of us every day,” he said — every last unassailable observation seemed to him mired in double meaning and telling all those faces that he was the Oak Park priest in question.

He was a man obsessed. Every look from the congregation, whom he normally ignored as much as he could, every hesitation by the servers as they brought and handed him the book, every glance from the leader of song, checking for a cue — everything told him, “You’re the one. You’re the one. At best you’re nuts. At worst you’re a scandal.”

He was in agony.

After mass he called Ginny, who was asleep. She hadn’t seen the Tribune. He read her the passage from his room.

“That bastard,” she said.

“Bastards. It’s a jointly written column,” he said.

“I mean Kenny Cooper, the guy we met in front of the place, from the Trib. Crap. Anything for an item.”

“How’d he know I was a priest?”

“Geez, I don’t know, Pat. But you do get up in front of hundreds of people every week, and all it took was one of them there that night, blowing your cover.” She laughed. “’Have collar, will travel.’ Where do they get that stuff? You’d think you were my bodyguard. At least they didn’t make you for a playboy.”

“But ‘priest with woman on Rush Street’ says a lot, wouldn’t you say?” Devlin said.

“Rush Street,” she said. “We ate at the quietest place practically in Cook County, which happens to be on Chicago’s hot street. Well, what you gonna do?”

“I don’t know. But let’s do something today.”

“Good.” She brightened.

“Quiet drink somewhere,” he said.

“You and me.”

“Me and you, right.” They set a time, early afternoon. He was to come by her place. She knew a beer garden pub on Clark Street. They would go there and rest up and regroup. Devlin hung up, the Tribune item out of his head completely.

(end of chapter 11)